So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
