accomplished twins. life is a go
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
