Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
