so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
