He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
