All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize