My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
