Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
