If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
