that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
