I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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