Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
