I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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