He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
