Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
