dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize