From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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