you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
birth control should be required to get into college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
