i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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