I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
