so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
