and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
