At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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