They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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