Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
