Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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