party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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