You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
