Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
