I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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