wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
