No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
