there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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