this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
