the condom got lost in my hair
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
