You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
