I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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