Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
