I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
