Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize