Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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