I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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