You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
