I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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