Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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