I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
