I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
