I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
