they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
