So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
