I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
