I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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