our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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