oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
