so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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