As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
