bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
