If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
