It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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