yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
