she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
a search helicopter?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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