I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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