Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize