planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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