He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I checked into jail on foursquare
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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